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Party girl to party pooper – Part 2

On November 5, 2012, in M.E. diary, by Sally

PART 2

I’ve racked my brains about what I actually do to conserve my energy because I realised a few days ago that to get well has been almost like having a full time job for the last couple of months – making sure I have energy left for fun whilst also doing everything else that needs to be done – trying to make my illness impact on other peoples life as little as is humanly possible because I don’t want to be a burden.

Like most people who have a long term illness I don’t want anyone to have the burden of caring for me because I’m a very independent, self sufficient, proud girl and have never relied on anyone (partner, family member, friend) for anything. Then I realised that id do anything for anyone and that it made me feel good to help and wondered why id turned down help, and not asked for it, so many times when I desperately needed it. The only time I can remember asking for help was when I was 18 with 1 year old baby and I couldn’t cope. I had been on my own with him for 6 months. I hadn’t had a night out. I had no money. I just needed a break and I asked my mother-in-law to take him for a few days. She said ‘No, you had the baby. You’re its mother. You must deal with it’. She told me many years later she really regretted it and that she realised when she got to know me better how desperate I must have been to ask.  I was a strong person so being turned down when I asked for help really hurt my pride and made me feel like an idiot. I loved her and I guess I must have vowed never to let myself feel like that or open myself up and make myself vulnerable to anyone hurting me like that ever again. Maybe I also learned that I got through that time without any help so I knew I could survive anything life chucked at me.

Now, for the first time in my life I do feel that I have people who support me and who will help me if I ask. Primarily I’m talking about my lodger who will look out for me and offer help before I even realise I need it. He offers to take me to doctors appointments, drops me off and picks me up when I go to meet friends. I have recently stopped being defensive and accepted his help when offered because I now can’t believe I used to say ‘No thanks I’m fine!’ then get ill. Even more recently I have started asking for help when I need it instead of doing something that I know will make me ill. Something in me has changed. Probably because of how broken I was mentally and physically by the mental and physical abuse I suffered at the hands of my ex husband some barriers broke down and I now also feel able to ask friends for help. My Dad came through for me amazingly when asked a few months ago – of course he always would have but was never asked.

When my ex visited for a weekend id just do what needed to be done, take tablets to cover up pain, use adrenaline to keep going because I knew I had a couple of weeks to recover when he’d gone back. When he moved in I had to appear normal all the time – it’s not possible but living a normal day to day life with my ex had a really positive effect on my ME because its forced me to work out some new strategies  – I had to go to bed at a normal time and sleep whereas before I could let adrenaline keep me up till 3am then stay in bed, ill, the next day. It takes a LOT of planning and care to stay well and not spiked up with adrenal energy. Having a fulltime relationship helped (forced) me to sort out things that I couldn’t let slide any longer.

So, new and old strategies – the things that are getting me through my day and saving me precious energy that can be used on more fun things.

The main thing which I do automatically, and have done for a year or so, is that if I can sit I don’t stand. In the old days I hated sitting down – even eating during the day would be done on the run while I did something else – working, driving, housework, talking on the phone ….. even up to a year ago I thought only old people sat down and would exhaust myself by standing.

I don’t walk up the stairs unless I have to and I leave things on the stairs and pop them up next time i go up. I have found stairs to be one of the most exhausting things I can do and so even on a better day I’m now very aware of actions that can take energy that I can’t afford to lose and so know to minimise them and care-take my body – I am always aware that once the energy has been used up its gone and the next step is exhaustion and pain. I guess I knew it subconsciously before but it’s much more helpful to be consciously aware. It’s all about knowing these things and doing them without thinking – mindfulness – being instinctively aware of how EVERYTHING inside and outside my body is affecting me and instinctively protecting my energy and well being.

I wash up and don’t ever wipe – holding my arms up for that length of time takes too much energy especially heavy saucepans – even plates can be too much. Apparently this system is more hygienic so that’s a bonus!

Washing day – stripping a bed and turning a mattress and putting on clean sheets/pillow cases exhausts me so I try to do it in 2 or 3 moves. Take off dirty linen in the morning, wash immediately and hang out a couple of hours later. If I need to go upstairs to the loo I’ll turn the mattress if I feel up to it otherwise I do it, along with putting on clean linen, when I go to bed and fall in exhausted. Even the act of getting clean sheets out of the top of the airing cupboard and carrying them up stairs (3 floors and my room is at the top) takes a lot of energy and is too much to do straight after stripping the bed – it’s the arms above the head action again – I just can’t do it.

I haven’t ironed ANYTHING for about 4 or 5 years – just getting out the ironing board and iron would take too much energy away from me but even if that was already done just the standing and then lifting the iron could be tolerated for one or two items but then I’d be useless for the rest of the day. I’ve developed a washing system that means things no longer need to be ironed. Don’t set machine to spin too hard – 800 is good and 900 max. Clothes are wetter and take marginally longer to dry but they are hanging there on their own with no extra energy taken from you so it doesn’t really matter. My machine has a button for ‘reduced ironing’ which turns the drum backwards and forwards for a couple of minutes after the final spin which loosens the clothes from the drum and knocks out most of the creases. I then take the washing out of the machine and fold clothes flat and leave them for an hour (if possible) before hanging out. I peg out so that clothes hang from the top down. If you peg seams they won’t stretch out of shape or have peg marks in them if you are careful (trying to keep my elbows as close to my waist as possible – arms up in the air is totally draining) so that the hanging weight de-creases them except t-shirts which I hang by seams and fold the hem over the line so you get no crease line from the washing line (takes a lot of line room but NO IRONING yay!). The few creases that are sometimes left in t-shirts fall out after a few minutes body heat – the same for shirts and jeans anything else doesn’t seem to have creases in any more.

Showering and washing my hair – showering has to be done quickly and efficiently because standing for too long using my arms to wash takes a lot of energy. Washing my hair in the shower has to be thought about. It’s very long and thick and needs conditioning. Holding my arms up for the amount of time it takes to rinse shampoo and then conditioner out thoroughly is too much if I have a busy day or night ahead. I always plan to wash my hair the day before going out and always have a style, whether straight or permed, that looks great without any messing around (rollers, hairdryers, straighteners) as these are all things that call for my arms to be above my head.

Hoovering – I can hoover perfectly well but I can’t carry the hoover (kept on middle floor where most of the carpets are) up or down stairs. Well that’s not strictly true …. I can but because of the amount of energy it takes just walking up stairs when its combined with carrying a heavy object it’s too much and I have to then leave the hoover where it is for a couple of hours (it used to be for a day so things have really moved on) and come back to it later. I now sweep the floor boards downstairs as sweeping is fine done slowly and gently.

Dusting – the longer you leave the dust untouched the less it looks like dust – just so long as no one disturbs it 😉 but i have wet wipes that i use to dust and will do a few surfaces at a time NOT the whole house.

Bathroom – antibacterial wipes are my saviour. I spend 30 secs to a minute most days cleaning bathroom which saves it ever having to be done properly. Use one or two wipes and i usually give door and loo handle and light pull a quick wipe over then start with shelves/windowsill then round sink and taps then loo cistern then lid and seat then the rim of the loo then flush it. Bathroom always looks sparkling clean. Shower gets a spray down when use it same with bath.

Cooking – using a tin opener and peeling veg takes a lot of energy and are the same type of action because you are using strength to hold the tin/carrot/potato with one hand and using force to open tin/hold knife/peeler and energy to keep the motion going – I find it almost impossible to peel carrots and potato’s for Sunday lunch without feeling exhausted so now I very very rarely peel potato’s we all love mash, boiled and roast potato with skins on. I can’t mash either but that’s fine coz when you do it with skins on if you quickly and roughly mash and add a dollop of Mayonnaise it’s the nicest mash I ever ate!

Watching TV – barmy as this sounds it can be quite exhausting. I find that after watching TV for 5 minutes if I don’t support my head on cushions, even though I’m relaxing, it’s too much. I guess if you are laying back with feet out and your head, neck and everything else is supported then the muscles in your body are relaxing properly but if you are trying to hold your head up everything is still braced.

Anyone with ME reading this will know the feeling of being so tired that even sitting is too much for you – you don’t know what to do with your arms, legs, head, feet so my whole aim now is to never get to that stage. It might not be possible but if I aim for never I might have fewer times when this happens.

If you have ME or another long term illness it would be great to hear from you about what you do or how you manage. Please comment below I can use all the help I can get!

 
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The Master Cleanse

On April 23, 2012, in The Master Cleanse, by Sally

Ive decided to do my second Master Cleanse – otherwise known as The Lemonade Diet. My reasons for this are:

Last time i did it I lost a lot of my ME symptoms. I concluded that food must have a lot to do with causing some of my symptoms and although i try very hard to eliminate harmful foodstuffs its really really hard to get them all out of your diet and even when you think you have they slip in somewhere unnoticed and cause the problems and it takes ages to work out what it is you are eating that is making them reoccur. This way (I hope) i can start to reintroduce food stuffs to a totally cleansed system and any adverse affects should show up pretty instantly – it will be obvious what I’ve eaten that caused the symptom.

Last time i did it (November 2011) i lost about a stone in weight – guess only as i didn’t have scales and wasn’t really sure what weight i was when i started. I’m interested in losing some weight and very interested to see how much weight loss is possible doing this cleanse.

I have joined a group on the internet http://themastercleanse.org/ for those of you who are interested in finding out more, and one of the things they like you to do is to write 100 words each day in 5 categories as a diary of what is happening to you, how you are feeling etc.

The categories are: The Lemonade Diet Process, Detox and Salt Water Flush, Psychological and Emotional, Weight Loss – Physical Results and Support from Family and Friends.

I will try very hard to keep this diary up to date so that i have a record of what happens to me throughout the process and will try to remember to post my results up here as well.

FULL RESULTS AND DIARY CAN BE FOUND HERE 🙂 http://www.meandmyme.co.uk/the-master-cleanse/

 
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Cloud Cuckoo Land

On March 12, 2012, in M.E. diary, by Sally

I haven’t been able to write anything for months because i was trying to work out what happened and didnt know where to start. I was in (what i thought was) a lovely big fluffy cloud but it turned out to be a fantasy and none of it was what it seemed. Somehow id conned myself in almost every aspect of my personal life. Its strange but alcohol gave me the answer (not because i was using it to cover up anything) it was all due to an (another) ME symptom that i didn’t yet know about.

There were things that didn’t add up. Firstly … i hadn’t had a drink for months (because ME makes me hyper sensitive to so many things and alcohol is one of them) then suddenly i was drinking as much as i liked and never got drunk and no hang overs (what am i complaining about!). My new man thought he’d met a goddess – not just for this reason (obviously!) …. but he thought it was great that a ‘girl’ could match him drink for drink and never get drunk no matter how much he fed me (and i was vigorously tested i can tell you!). I felt really proud (proud!?!) that i could handle it for a few days then after a few weeks i started to think there must be something wrong but what on earth could it be??? Apart from the damage it must be doing to my liver  it wasn’t the kind of lifestyle id ever wanted. There was no possible reason why my de-sensitisation (is that a word) to alcohol should indicate a problem … was there?

Things changed dramatically at exactly the same time as i started to drink one drink and feel drunk again. I went on holiday with some very lovely girlfriends and I’m going to quote the part of the post i wrote that started to ring bells for me ……  “Alcohol seemed to have a much greater affect on me than when I’m at home.”  About 3 months after i wrote that sentence i re read it and thought that it was a weird thing to say and so i started to investigate. Investigations didn’t take long to be completed because i asked Michelle (my Occupational Therapist) on her next visit a few days later and she reminded me that i had been in a very stressful time (my ex of 7 years, and love of my life, having just left me and then starting a relationship with a new guy which was really full on from the first second of meeting without having a chance to get over the last relationship … plus everything else that was going on).  Michelle told me that stress causes one (especially ‘one’ with ME) to have adrenaline spikes – the higher the stress the more adrenaline is sent into ones body and it was the adrenaline that was almost definitely stopping me from getting drunk (or realising that i hadnt thought through anything properly. In hindsight i can see that as soon as i was away from home (on holiday), and the new relationship, i destressed (so the adrenaline spikes stopped) and so a glass of wine or one Mojito started to have its usual affect on me and i could once again get quite tipsy on one drink. I realised a lot of things on that holiday and knew i had to change things drastically when i got home. Little did i realise just how drastically things were going to change without me doing a thing! Id really like to know the medical explanation so if anyone reading this knows why adrenaline stops you getting drunk please comment below.

I got married on the 13th of October 2011 (the love of my lifes birthday) and its a long complicated story (you wouldn’t expect anything less from me surely) but the short version is …… i managed to totally kid myself that i was over Jon and because of a few coincidences and acts of fate i picked up the phone to Jon, thinking i was answering it to my son, and as soon as i realised who it was everything changed for me and i started to wonder if i had made a mistake and if i WAS really over him. He’d come to the same conclusion and had made some personal vows and started to talk to a relationship counsellor and convinced me that he loved me, wanted to spend his life with me …. so that’s what we are doing … and its lovely. Just normal. Calm sometimes, fraught sometimes, stressy sometimes, extremely funny and chilled lots of times, loads of love and laughter and ups and downs but its real and I’m not living on a fluffy cloud any more and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

I’ll write a bit more in a couple of days but i was urged into restarting my blog by my good friend Karin and so i felt if i could just get the first words out then maybe it would be OK – feel the fear and do it anyway … i couldn’t do it before because i didn’t know how to explain what happened and, after all the things id said in my last couple of posts, be able to make it sound believable. It happened, it felt real at the time and here i am …. declaring my undying love for Mr Storey! I love you Jon. Thank you for everything.

Its our 5 ‘monthiversary’ tomorrow and I’m really happy and not delirious any more. It seems the big fluffy cloud i was living on was actually cloud cuckoo land.

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Can we change the world around us?

On March 12, 2012, in M.E. diary, by Sally

Inspired by Chris B on http://cfsknowledgecenter.ning.com/

 

I really liked what you said about finally having time to focus on our wellbeing – its really how everyone should be running their life. Maybe, just by being (and staying) positive people around us will notice and we can change the world around us in a small way by giving family and friends the courage to do it too? Thats going to be my focus. Ive writen a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, some of them are practical but mostly they are fun and as i dont want to lecture anyone on focusing on wellbeing i guess i kind of hope that someone will notice that conserving energy is my main job (at the moment) but that outside of that i am doing lots of amazing things. Im cured of watching TV in the evening – when all youve had for months is the TV to stiumlate you you really dont want it any more which leaves me loads of time to do things that give me a life force that the TV seeps away. In fact youve now inspired me to write a peice for my blog. Stay well, Sally

 
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Just Answer

On October 23, 2011, in M.E. diary, by Sally

 
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I believe …..

On August 19, 2011, in M.E. diary, by Sally

I wrote this to a friend a month or so ago – they said they found it inspirational which was very flattering indeed and mighty praise for me. Also very humbling – i was just being me and going off on one ……. and then i forgot about it.  I just came upon it today and it crossed my mind to share it.  I hope you like it – its not necessarily ME related but i hope that in some way it might help someone else.

“I believe that positive attitude is just trusting your instincts and my instinct tells me all the time that things will get better. Its backed up by knowing that there have been worse times in my life and it has ALWAYS got better. You have to remember that nothing lasts for ever, not good things OR bad things. Life is organic and i guess that like plants you have to feed it to get the best out of it so if you put energy in and have belief, not necessarily in God but, in your version of God. I believe in ‘Spirit’ as in an energy that you cant see but you can feel and that can influence everything around you just by your positive thoughts and intent. If it helps to get your intent straight then write a list of what you want in your life* -it can be as general as health, wealth and happiness but it works better if you can be as specific and as detailed as possible because i find that ‘Spirit’ has a sense of humour and can also be exact in its translation. For instance – don’t wish to be with someone for the rest of your life (because they, or you, could end up crippled and you are the carer). Do wish for all the qualities that you would like in a partner and describe how your day to day life would be. Or work wise – don’t just wish for a job that earns you 100k it might take you away from family and friends and ruin your life. Do wish for a job that gives you enough money to pay bills with enough left over for all the things that enhance your life, that you look forward to doing every day, with colleagues who make each day easier and more fun etc etc etc.

I believe that ‘Spirit’ doesn’t hear ‘i don’t’ or ‘i do’ or ‘i want’ or ‘ i don’t want’. I believe that ‘Spirit’ only hears the actual subject of the statement. So if you are saying ‘i don’t want to be depressed’ all ‘Spirit’ is hearing is ‘depressed’ and that’s what you get. So if you say ‘i want to be happy’ all ‘Spirit’ hears is ‘happy’ and that’s what you get.”

*I wrote a list of traits i wanted in a new man after my last relationship ended. It was based on him being almost exactly opposite to the last one with a lot of additional qualities that id realised i wanted from a relationship because of the last one. I swear (on my life) that within 2 weeks of writing the list that person presented themselves to me and all but one of those things were granted. The missing trait i discovered a week ago and it was something that because i thought i knew this man i never expected from him. Life has a very strange way of turning out to be amazing!! The strangest thing about it all is that i put into action meeting up with someone id met 12 years before, just to say hi, whilst i was still in the last relationship. I didnt think for a moment he was anything like my list (which i hadnt written then anyway) and who i wasnt interested in romantically, and they turned out to be what i was asking for – even though id put this into action before i wrote my list or ended the last relationship. Maybe if i hadnt written the list ‘Spirit’ wouldnt have known that he was actually what i wanted and what would have been good for me? It may seem at first glance like a bit of an egotistical way of ‘being’ but we all have free will and, after a couple of days listening to him talk, it turned out that he was asking for exactly the same as i was asking for.

I could go on and on and on and on 🙂 its a subject that once you get me started on it (actually i think i started myself off this time didnt i?) i cant stop.

If you have any questions or arguments, for or against, what I’ve said or would like, or need, a personal pep talk then I’m the kiddy for the job – just ask and you wont be able to stop me.

http://www.facebook.com/SallyMarsden and add me as a friend xx

 
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High Days and Holidays

On August 18, 2011, in M.E. diary, by Sally

Ive had two birthday parties (spoilt i know!) and a weeks holiday (well it was my birthday week) all in the last 12 days and I’m surprisingly well …. i won’t even say surprisingly well considering …….. just surprisingly well 🙂

I am kinda (in a good way) shocked (because it was only a couple of months ago that i felt so ill if i just got out of bed and walked down stairs) at how well my body has coped with it all but i think it is mostly that i had a LOT of help and support from my gorgeous man and the wonderful girl friends i went away with – they took all the stress out of it for me and i REALLY don’t know what I’ve ever done to deserve so much love and care and thoughtfulness and its not possible to express how grateful i am …. there have been people in my past who havent been so thoughtful and sweet to me since I’ve been ill and I’m still a bit surprised when, instead of nothing, i get love.

Esty, even though he had a chest infection and wasn’t feeling at all well, drove me to Cheltenham (and a second lovely little party) where we were leaving for Ibiza from the following day and then drove all the way back up there to bring me home after my holiday. The girls – Jay who ive known for 13 years and fell in love with when we both lived in Cornwall, Jays sister Lou who has the most chilled way of just ‘being’ and is SOO easy to be with (luckily as we shared a bed all week) and Jays daughter Ella who is 15, slim with masses of long blonde hair, utterly stunning and went brown in 3 seconds (not my first choice of beach holiday mate obviously lol) and has a (sometimes scarily) unerring knack of being able to see exactly how it is and tell you (especially scary if you’ve just messed up in some way) – found the villa, booked the plane tickets, sorted out luggage allowances, arranged hire car and told me they were doing all the driving and basically made sure that i didn’t have to worry (or more importantly get stressed) about a thing – all i had to do was find the money.

So, I sold my quad bike (i loved my quad!). I haven’t ridden it for 18 months, apart from around the field next to my house and it was worth the payback afterwards – the sense of freedom it gave me for 10 minutes was amazing, because i just did not have the strength or energy until very recently. After i took it for its last spin (or 5) round the field to say goodbye i was exhausted an hour afterwards (once the adrenalin had gone). It went to a very good home and i think it will be even better loved than it was with me.

The first two days there i was shattered, glands were up and i started to feel very slightly achy but i stayed in the Villa during the day and just read, rested and pottered so when we went out in the evening i was fine. Everything was so chilled, there was nothing that was stressful at all. The girls were all so easy to get along with – i can happily say that it was the most chilled holiday I’ve ever had! I loved almost every second of it!! The only real problem i had was my temperature control – its was haywire again. Once i got hot i just couldn’t cool down, even cold showers, fans on full blast, staying in the shade etc didn’t help  – i sweated (glowed?) and sweated and if i cooled down i did have a bit of a problem with getting warm again (that only happened one night coz it was really hot most of the time). I really don’t know what the answer is to that problem – i just didn’t go to the beach and when we were out made sure i stayed in the shade as much as i possibly could. I also had a couple of days with brain fog but as no one was pressing me for instant answers i don’t think anyone noticed. I slept fine – one day i slept most of the day and night but the rest of the time (still using Dosulepin) i had very restful sleep. Alcohol seemed to have a much greater affect on me than when im at home – no idea why that was but i stuck to having one drink (Mojitos yay! And i say one but there was certainly more than one shot in them) or water most of the time.

Now I’m home I’ve tried to take it easy and as i was on my own this afternoon i was supposed to be catching up with a bit of work that i got behind on before i went away BUT now ive stopped I’m shattered and my glands are massive (giving me a bit of ear ache they are so big) so i thought id just write this – its now taken 6 hours on and off which is ridiculous considering i feel so well ……. considering …….

So the holiday ….. i feel more relaxed because of it and the hangover of the previous few months stress has all gone. I feel lighter and after a good nights sleep I’m going to be back to 85 – 90% which is amazing since I’ve done so much in the past 2 weeks 🙂

I’m a very happy, VERY lucky girl!

 

 

 

 
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Unconditional love v. stress

On July 19, 2011, in M.E. diary, by Sally

Ive met an extraordinary man! So why am i telling you?

Meeting ‘the man’ does, in part, explain why its been so long between posts but honestly…… I just haven’t known what to say. Day after day ive been asking myself how i feel and i couldn’t have told you. Now i want to try.

Happy certainly. Relaxed for the first time in months. Excited. Hopeful. This man took away all the stress, wouldn’t allow me to think about it, took visible, physical steps to banish it. Distracted me and wouldn’t let me dwell on it. Day by day has released me from it so that its echo can barely be heard. Does that all sound a bit poetical? Tough coz that’s how i feel 🙂

Love is whats done all this ……. and i don’t mean ‘falling in love’ (although that certainly might come into it in the future) but unconditional, freely given, love for another human being.

This is only one example of the small miracles i’ve been getting every day. Last night he told me he’d just let me talk all day because he thought i needed to (and I’m paraphrasing next not quoting coz i still find it hard to trawl through my brain sometimes) – he felt i hadn’t been allowed to talk for a very long time. ‘He felt’, he didn’t know, but i cant tell you the difference it made to me because no one said ‘Shush Sal!’ or asked me to ‘John Craven’ it (this may have been funny 7 years ago coz sometimes I’m not very good at telling stories and didn’t realise it was my undiagnosed ME that made me have to relate what happened sequentially and exactly because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to remember what i was saying but actually is just bl***dy rude) which eventually turned into plain ‘Shut up Sal!’ with eye rolling and made me have to ask ‘Can i just say something?’ (which i can see was equally annoying but what can you do?) if whatever i had to say was not related directly to them or what i was going to do for their benefit. OK, I’m exaggerating because if this person was in a good mood, which could be for a couple of weeks in a row sometimes (was that sarcasm?) i would lull myself into a false sense of security and talk if i needed too but (this is actually true) eventually it would become too much for him and then whatever i said would be wrong even if it was right (and fear not … i tested it on occasion because over 7 years of it you do have lucid gaps where you ask yourself if it can REALLY all be you).

I know now that I didn’t talk too much. I know now that i just said what needed to be said, what was funny, what would make me feel better to say, asked questions if i needed to know something, made statements if they needed to be made, said what needed to be said to make the other person feel better, showed i was happy, sad, excited, worried in words just like everyone else does.

Everyday now i hear words that sound the same but have the opposite intent and i realise just how wrong the last relationship was.

The point of this is that in hindsight i believe (i believe?!? I KNOW!!!) that the stress in that relationship caused my relapse and that the blessed loss of that relationship is the reason I’m feeling so much better and that i can actually feel myself again. If you regularly read my blog you might remember me saying that it wouldn’t be long but i didn’t think id have this much help and get to this point so fast. This is good for everyone around me – my children are different children, they are amazing anyway and have helped me so much but they are so happy that their mum is happy and well. My friends all think my new man is amazing and say they can now stop worrying about me because I’m back to myself – my voice sounds different, I’m relaxed, smiley, have energy and i love them so much for not giving up on me because i put them all through so much – i just couldn’t see what they ALL saw!

Its awful that we might have to live around loved ones who don’t believe in us (or our ME) but worse to know that the stress may exacerbate our ME and even be the cause. If you feel like this i hope your miracle is just around the corner. It took me 6 out of the 7 years we were together but eventually i got it!

I’m not saying my ME has gone all I’m saying is that I’m out of the relapse, working at 85% at the moment (which feels like 100% after so long) and that all it took was to get rid of the cause of the stress. If you care about yourself the only thing you can do is get rid of anything that causes you stress!!

I usually like to end up light but i cant seem to find the words today. If you need to/ want to talk you can find me on facebook www.facebook.com/SallyMarsden or comment here.

PS Unconditional love v. stress …………. and the winner is …….. love every time!!!!! Love … the undefeated heavy weight champion of the world 😉

 
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40 Start learning to sing

On July 1, 2011, in 101 in 1001, by Sally

Number 40 on my list of 101 things to do in1001 days 🙂

Yesterday i had a singing lesson. How I came to find my teacher had a lovely bit of coincidence to it and it felt right.

I put a message out on facebook asking if anyone knew someone who did singing lessons. I had loads of lovely replies, some great advice, and some offers of free lessons and help. Then i had a private message from someone i didn’t know suggesting Jane Mckell. I typed her name into face book and got her wall ………. blown away to read her last status message: I have a one hour space for a private student (aged 7-90 yrs) for acting, singing or public speaking either working towards an exam or for fun: Tues @ 6.00 pm – hurry as they go quickly!

So, on the 28th June 2011 i had my first singing lesson! I was so nervous i was (id like to say glowing / perspiring but alas not) sweating (profusely) all the way through it. I really enjoyed warming up and doing a few exercises with Jane but was slightly confused by the song we decided to try me on first “It don’t mean a thing (if it ain’t got that swing)”. Its quite a fun song to sing but in my second lesson i realised that it was probably a bit hard for me as a complete beginner – i just didn’t understand the phrasing.

In my second lesson Jane suggested trying ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’. I LOVED singing this, its so much easier and Jane had the music for this song so it was a bit easier when i wasnt quite sure whethere the next note went up or down.

I love learning to sing! I’m amazed that after an hour or two of deciding i was going to do it after all  these years i had a lesson booked and next week will be my third lesson. I just have to get my confidence up (i tried faking it today and that really seemed to work). I really don’t want to go with an anxious feeling that i got again today 10 minutes before the lesson started.

So, Jane says i have perfect pitch (i think that’s what she said) and that she can tell i have ‘musicality’ by the way i move etc – i took that as a great compliment!! I really like my singing teacher, i look forward to seeing Jane as much as i look forward to the lesson.

I MUST PRACTISE – maybe i should put that on my 101 things in 1001 days list?

 

 
W

101 things to do in 1001 days

On June 29, 2011, in 101 in 1001, M.E. diary, by Sally

Ive started a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days – supported by this really great website: http://dayzeroproject.com/. The Day Zero Project was started in 2003 by a New Zealander called Michael Green.

Im going to:

A) Write a post whenever i manage to complete a task. The posts will be stored in the category ‘101 in 1001’ as a full record of my acheivments. In my life at the moment anything i do out of the norm is an amazing acheivement and will boost me, and my feeling of wellness and normality, and encourage me to get stronger and stronger metally and physically. Plus ….  when i look back at the end of it i’ll know that i didnt actually spend the whole time resting!!

B) Update the page, entitled ‘101 in 1001’, that contains my list whenever i complete a task. I completed my first one yesterday!!

If ive inspired you to start 101 things in 1001 days let me know by commenting at the bottom of this post and come back and let me know if you document it so that i can join in on your journey too. One of the trickiest things to do is find 101 things worth putting on the list!
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