As every day goes by im getting stronger and stronger. My lodger, who moved in a couple of days after my abusive ex husband moved out, says he wishes he’d taken a video of how i was 9 months ago so that i could see how much better i am now. Of course I’m still beating myself up when i go out or have a couple of appointments in the same week and get tired and ill from doing too much but the main difference i can see is that i CAN actually go out now whereas i just couldnt even get to doctors appointments very easily under my own steam before.
My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) counsellor and the Chronic Pain clinic both tell me that the dramatic improvement is because i have the stress, that my ex caused with his bullying controlling behaviour, out of my life and my body is starting to heal without the setbacks the dreadful anxiety i used to feel on a day to day basis upsetting my system. I believe that the adrenaline spikes caused by the anxiety and fear i felt continually send your system into overdrive and there is only so much ‘one’ can take before you get to overload and your body gives up.
The final bit of stress from that relationship will be to get the divorce finalised – im finding this stressful but knowing that there is a positive reason and a happy ending makes it much more dealable with. I also have to take my ex to court for money he owes me and this too will be stressful but i have an amazing solicitor who has just told me not to worry, that he will deal with it and assures me that the money will be back where it belongs in no time at all. His nickname is Cut Throat so i have a feeling im in safe hands.
So, i have been looking foward to the summer for nine months now – we’ve nicknamed it the Summer of Fun. Ive felt that summer was going to be the start of ny new life and a new me for months and its starting to look like my intuition was spot on. I spent a wonderful day last sunday at a beach cafe with friends, drinking wine and listening to bands. Bath and West Show today – im well enough to get on the train for an hour, my daughter and her friends are picking me up at the other end, and i cant wait!