I don’t know what to say. I really feel for Fiona Smith, the 31-year-old ME sufferer who so sadly committed suicide recently; her parents, who must be feeling completely helpless and may be even thinking that they failed her in some way; all her family and the friends she had. So many people, doctors included, don’t know how to handle someone with ME and because quite often we don’t look ill when we manage to get out (makeup is a marvelous thing) and are SO often ill a bunch of grapes doesn’t really pass muster – it seems that some people don’t keep in touch just because they don’t know what to do or say.
Fiona may have had all the support in the world, I did; she may not even have been depressed, I don’t think I was. There were a lot of times when I thought I was going to die anyway, without the help of suicide, because I felt so ill and also times when I thought it would be a blessing because the pain was so bad. It didn’t cross my mind that I wanted ‘suicide’ I just wanted an end to the pain and exhaustion but because I had children I prayed and wished and hoped I would get better and the pain would go – im sure if they hadn’t been in the equation my thoughts would have been different and I might have been praying, wishing and hoping for a way to end it all.
I love the phrase ‘Nothing lasts forever, good or bad’ (it got me through child-birth three times) because it gives me hope when things are at their worst (and I try not to think about it when things are at their best) because it got me through the really bad times and I now feel as if I have an amazing future ahead of me. I now feel as if ME was the path I was meant to be on because this illness has extracted most, if not all, the negative elements in my life and attracted positives into it